My Fourth of July.....

I don't believe ever in my wildest dreams I would have thought I would have spent my 4th of July how I did...complete with a trip to Fez and a home-stay in the Berber village Zaouia sidi Al-Amslam. I think culture shock may be the appriopriate term. Fez was full of beauty and the historical significance I love. I was intellectually indulged during my hours there because of Prof. Shoop's tour. It was amazing to me how much was there in such a small space. And it was amazing to me the lack of cultural congruence. The things that mattered to them were so much more less significant for me. Yes, I bargained in the Souk (market), but why did I feel so bad for it? I'm normally such a cheap person, but when I was negotiating the price of two tajines (clay pot used for cooking) from 40 Dirhams to 35 Dirhams, I quickly realized that I just went from $5 to a little over $4. The crazy thing about it though is that even 35 Dirhams was over charging me. I walked away immediately satisfied with my purchase but as the day went on I felt worse. I was struggling inside with my constant want to insult capitalism when I could and my blatant Americanism that was as blaring as a bright red sundress. The feeling never left with that purchase as it continued all day. I realized though that even as the Moroccans called me names like African Mami, that I was so American it was scary. But what does that really mean? The conflicting duality I constantly felt even within the people in my program has left me so.....confused, torn, enlightened...In the U.S., I normally feel like an outsider especially within groups where I am the minority. My U.S. has been transplanted to Al-Akhawayn University. But yet in so many ways, I feel so together, one, the same. This of course is something so rare for me.

We arrived at Zaouia around 5p and I was...I don't know. It was so much to take it. The buldings did not even look inhabited. At first glance, it seemed to be a shanty town of sorts. But we were all there, and somewhat the same: complete outsiders. I feel like we were wearing a sign that blared it in Tamazight, their local language. We stood around for a bit getting stares and glares then went to meet our host families. My family was so inviting and friendly as they greeted me in unfamiliar words. We did not speak the same language which made things...interesting to say the least. All I could do was smile and make an attempt in Arabic. Everything was great...in the beginning. Then it happened.......CULTURE SHOCK.....literally.

I felt like my world was turned upside down. Uncomfortability is a normal disposition for me as I feel like this in most situations, but this was so much more intense. Smiles which began as genuine soon were used in place of the thoughts that could not be spoken. Dirt roads soon irritated me, flies were the bane of my existence, and water consumption was regulated so that I would not have to use the Turkish toilet (hole in the ground). I feel like it was at the height of this the morning after we woke up meeting at Courtney's house that we were one...sort of. Even though the exact words weren't spoken, it seemed that almost everyone in the group felt the same disruption of what they knew. If they didn't, it seemed so. Ifrane then was such a sweet thought. We were dirty, tired, and fed up of flies. Needless to say we were ready to go....but the golden moments did exist and made it all that much worthwhile. The families were so endearing...so inviting...and so giving. My family did not have much as I could hear the oldest sister scrounging up change in the morning as I had breakfast, but they gave me what they could. They fed me to the brim and showed their affection...with me...between themselves. As I saw my host mother kiss her grandchild, I realized what really mattered. I love my iPod...my computer...my tv...but I love my family so much more. It seemed as though their family unit was so coherent and defined, that it would take an earthquake to abrupt it. I could run through the list of problems their town had from sanitation to education, but they had love.